You have fallen head over heels in love. You want to spend every second with the person and even nipping to the loo feels like you’re leaving the bedroom for too long. It’s when your life suddenly makes sense and you’re spouting phrases normally heard on ‘My little pony’. But then it can all come down with a bump if you finally leave the post coitus look, get dressed and introduce her to your friends.

If you’re friends don’t like your girlfriend it can put you in a very confusing situation. That kind of confused you get when you’re standing in a queue but you’re not sure who’s in front. It’s a battle between the people who you trust, who have always been there for you, who have supported all your decisions, you go to in emergencies and will do absolutely anything for you, and the person, who right at this present moment in time, is giving you sex.

So what do you do? First off, your friends aren’t going to be slagging your new girl off for no reason. Figure out what they have a problem with. Is it that she brags that she is multi millionairess when your friend is a slip-up-at-work from living in a box? Does she talk about her bodily functions when your other friend is trying to eat her rice pudding? Does she slurp her lemonade too loudly? Or is she doing the lips-tits-arse dance at other girls when you leave the room. All to be taken in serious consideration.

Sometimes, your friends will be too nice to say anything and you’ll have to go on your instincts on whether they like her or not. Either that or put some sort of listening-in device on their bras, but this can get a tricky and creepy. If they are finding reasons to criticise her such as what she wears or that she has annoying laugh chances are they’re not that keen. They might also say things in front of her that will get you in trouble like how many women you’ve done the dirty with or tell her about that time you wound up naked in Times Square with a dead badger on your head. And it’s definitely a sure sign that they don’t like her if they’re suddenly too busy ‘washing their hair’, especially if most of them don’t have that much.

Make sure that your friends aren’t just jealous. Not of her exactly but maybe because she’s taking up a lot of your time and they’re barely seeing you. (Maybe your friend does have a massive can’t-think-about-anything-else crush on you but one lesbian problem as a time please). Another reason might be that in the small lesbian worlds that exists, one of them may possibly you-never-know might have smashed their bits together with her and they’re feeling very uncomfortable with the whole situation.

You’ll have to give it a bit of time; your friends may come round and start spitting rainbows about her too. If they start actually spitting at her though it’s time to get new mates. Or you might realize that the girl isn’t really for you and peace will be restored. At the end of the lesbian day, your friends will only be looking out for you. And one day in the future, you’ll still have your closer friends and you’ll probably look back at the bodily-function-talking-lemonade-slurping sex bitch and not remember her name.