If your girl has a low sex drive

If you have a sex drive like a fast hot Ferrari and your girl has one like a taped-together Tricycle, it can be having-Carly-Rae-Jepson-stuck-in-your-head frustrating. But here is what to do.

Don’t take it personally. Even though I know how stupid that must sound if you’re lying in bed wearing your sexiest pink corset and they’re sitting next to you reading a book and gnawing on a carrot.  And you find that everything is turning you on from seeing a woman lean over in the library to hearing the voice on the M&S adverts.

Differences in sexual desire are very annoyingly common so it’s natural to feel all the frustration and want to march into her work and scream ‘Have sex with me!’ in the middle of her morning meeting. Try to think about your partner. She’s probably eating that carrot wondering why things aren’t easier between the two of you and wishing she felt the urge to put that carrot somewhere other than her mouth. Anything can affect sex drive from work stress to health so give her a bit of kit kat break.

Talk about it. As usual I do not take my own advice in these situations and would rather chat about penguins, ferris wheels or crisps than dare talk about something that matters. But try and broach the subject in a nice way. Using the phrase ‘What is fucking wrong with you?’ will not help in this situation trust me. Demanding Scissoring in the middle of a dinner party will help even less.

Don’t pressure her. The more you pounce on them in bed, hop into the shower with them or arrive home wearing a strapon the more they will feel annoyed and pressured and pull away. Even though you’ll probably be eating the duvet in exasperation when all you want to do is eat the carpet, back off for a while. Sometimes all someone needs is a little time by themselves so leave them to recharge their batteries. In the meantime you literally recharge yours, put them into your vibrator and go to town.

Touch without it leading to sex. At the start of the relationship there’s all that did-she-mean-to-touch-my-arm-over-the-table-just-then excitement and fizzyness. But over time it dwindles and you can find yourself at that same table licking each other’s arms and feeling nothing.  Go on a date, go for a picnic, get on a banana boat if it helps bring some excitement back. Hold hands, kiss, cuddle, snuggle, buggle and all the gooey bits inbetween that make you look like you’re on the front of a Valentine’s Day card.

Try to remember when your girl last said it was ‘the best sex ever,’ and suggest recreating it. If you can remind her of that time when she was screaming out reaching out and dare I say it squirting out then she might be more likely to want to feel like that again. Or tell her you’ll act out her all time favourite fantasy. Even if it does involve balloons, a cork screw and a Justin bieber poster, at least you’ll me getting some.

Try and do whatever you can to sort out the situation. If there are problems outside the bedroom, like if you’re pissing her off by leaving the milk out or scattering muesli about the place then sort them out first. And while you’re picking up the oats, putting away the dairy and taking the carrots off her, try to talk about your issues. Don’t do the whole bury your head in the sand thing. Or you’ll find yourself lying in that sandpit with batteries for company.